Staring at Life through a Window

Well I haven't done one of these for a while and some of my friends have asked so what better way to pass the time. For those of you that have read my previous posts, I am sure you are eagerly anticipating another "hilarious" take on dating, football, food or an insight into the eye condition called KerryKatonus. Sadly, this is going to be a mix of all kinds of shit to keep you entertained and keep me sane......for now.

What's going on?

For anyone that doesn't live in an ivory tower we are in lockdown due to the pandemic caused by Covid 19, which is a type of Coronavirus that is infecting the world. It is killing mainly those with underlying health conditions but it is having catastrophic affects on healthcare everywhere, destroying economies, putting people out of work, closing businesses and making life impossible for families.

How has life changed?

Good question Ranty.
Thanks mate.
I'm not your mate.

Aaaand....I'm going nuts.

So those of us that mainly work or can work in an office, we are working from home from our laptops. Enjoying the company of our loved ones, eating good home made food and smiling fondly at our well behaved children and beautiful partners....

Absolute fucking bullocks.

Most people are sending memes to our friends, telling the other half to stop blinking so loudly (we've all seen the meme) and shouting at the kids to stop wining.

For me this is what I'm doing.

I get up at 8 a.m. to start my morning exercises and stretches. I enjoy a nice cup of coffee and sink my teeth into a bowl Coco Pops mixed with Frosties as part of my long term plan to stave off Diabetes. I have a shower, brush my teeth and stare into the mirror admiring my well chiselled face......I then open my eyes and am quickly brought back to reality of what I really look like.

I go downstairs to the same dull, lifeless, grey sofa that has a 2 year old arse groove.
I can hear it begging me to stop the torturous routine of sit down, work, scratch my nuts and have Spotify blaring some of that Deep House shit through the walls of this humble abode.

Round about 1 p.m. I check the lunch menu and order a wicked tuna, mayo, quinoa, rice and Tabasco sauce plate fit for a King.....of Alcatraz. For dessert I check the fruit bowl for an apple and grab some ginger nuts from the cupboard. Then work on, finish at 5.30ish and prepare to go home...oh wait.

This is pretty much the same routine every day.... apart from holding my nuts.

But you know what, if staying in everyday scratching my nuts means I'm saving lives then so be it. 

Food shopping

Unfortunately, I was a little slow to buy food for the lockdown and I don't drive so stocking up on food is rather challenging. I have a Co-Op 10mins away but judging by the riff raff in there (I live in a rough area of Chelmsford) I am more fearful of getting an STI by accidentally brushing my hand against someone's arm. Ordering online is impossible due to the mass p-Anakin Skywalker antics of consumers but there are a couple of companies I've found that do, at present, offer alternatives.

Huel - Liquid meals.
Pasta Evangelists - Homemade pasta recipes with ingredients delivered to your door.
Just Eat and Deliveroo are also still running.

TV Entertainment

Well if that hasn't kept you amused then you are one hell of a tough crowd. So here are some recommends from me:

Get a sense of humour (A great book by Ranty).
Liar - Trust me this is good. This is on ITV every Monday at 9pm for you crime drama enthusiasts.
Castlevania - For any Anime lovers into freaky stuff this is on Netflix...if any women watch this..  call me.
Paradise PD - Gross cartoon humour..my favourite and on Netflix.
Abroad in Japan - It's on YouTube and it's a set of videos from a guy who moved to Japan from London a few years ago. It's really interesting and has sold me on a holiday.
Altered Carbon (Animated Movie) - Brilliant and on Netflix.
Straight Outta Compton - Netflix. Nuff said.
2 Days in Entebbe - No this is not a porno, that's 2 seconds in Entebbe, and yes it is based on true events. The film that is. Again on Netflix.
13 Hours The Soldiers of Benghazi - Netflix again.
You - Netflix (Highly recommend).
Frankie Boyle's Tour of Scotland - BBC iPlayer. Now he's sober he's actually quite funny.
The Boys - I've seen this already but if you haven't, start watching this on Amazon Prime.
Picard - Not going to lie. It took me a while but now I'm in...I AM IN. Another Amazon Prime entry.
Leon Lush on YouTube - This guy hilariously critiques ballshit on Tik Tok, YouTube and Twitch.
Formula One: Drive to Survive - Netflix. Not many of my friends know this but I love F1. There is a second Netflix series looking back at last season for a high level look behind the scenes. 

Top Boy - Both Series. Netflix

Love Death + Robots - More Anime. More Netflix

The Umbrella Academy - Produced by Rhianna on Netflix. Poor Mans Super Heroes with ridiculous powers. 

Don't Fuck with Cats - Nothing like you expect and very interesting. Netflix.

Evil Genius - Netflix. Twisted.

Ted Bundy - Netflix.

White Gold - Netflix and HILARIOUS. If you like cheeky Essex banter this is it. 

Dating

Just bantering you here. 

Social Events

Me and the Reading boys are streaming birthday congratulations and trivia's via Zoom. It' good fun and banter until I say something or Boezalt hosts the Quiz. Nothing to do with keeping the PMA (positive mental attitude) it's just an opportunity for them to get away from the....I'm joking. Ladies if you're reading this, they love you and your time really!

Now the recommends are over all I would say is....keep sending memes, keep talking to people and keep indoors!

Next blog...Covid 19 - Going into Extra Time and Changing the Game